 To your second half transition
Transitions are processes, about endings and feelings of emptiness
Do that which consists in taking no action; pursue that which is not meddlesome; savour that which has no flavour. Lau Tzu.
William Bridges proposes that life is a series of transitions, from childhood to adulthood, from adulthood to late adulthood, to becoming an elder. He notes that transition is not the same as change. Change is an event, such as the birth of a child, or moving to a new home, or stopping work full-time. Transition is a process, whereby people end their current roles or occupations, more to a place of peace or solitude to consider their options, and then begin their new role or occupation.
Richard is the brother-in-law of a friend who was a former telecommunications engineer, a man in his late 40s. He admitted to not being employed and we eventually found out he had been made redundant some months ago. After bitter arguments with his wife, she left him, accusing Richard of not making an effort to find another job. He conceded that while he was shocked to be out of work, he knew that he did not want to work again as a engineer in that industry. Call it laziness, or lack of initiative – Richard needed time to consider what he did want and what he could do.
Richard was removed from his old connections, work identity and even a social network. The old reality existed no longer; he was in a place without a name – an empty space for exploration, rest and examination of possibilities. Richard reported that he has never dreamed so much before, dreaming every night. These dreams provided ways of understanding about what was important in his life, what had happened after he lost his job and his wife had gone.
Perhaps for us, this emptiness represents only the absence of activity, busyness and doing. We may jump to fill that space, to occupy ourselves and avoid being unemployed or inactive. Do you recognise this emptiness or have experienced such a space?
What about the neutral zone in a transition to retirement?
People have discovered that in this zone they experience amplified or enhanced tendencies to know and understand the space between what they have had previously and what may come in the next phase of their lives.
For some, this is a bewildering time and they may consider they are going mad or have started ‘seeing things’ and find difficulty in sharing these experiences with others. If they knew about transitions, people may realise that this emptiness is the natural sequence to a transition ending and that there will be new beginnings to come. So what does can they do?
What tools are available to work through the neutral zone?
Just as transitions start with letting go of what no longer fits, the next phase occupies a number of tools or steps to assist you survive and thrive in this neutral zone. Some are:
- Surrender – stop struggling and let it be.
- Find a regular time and place to be alone – you may be very busy still, while you are in the neutral zone. If you cannot be away from your home, make time to be alone, perhaps early in the day.
- Begin a log of neutral zone experiences – writing things down slows the brain to be in step with your writing and provides a reflection journal.
- Most of all, take the time to discover what you really want – stay with this thought, what do you really want?
How can you move out of this phase quickly, to get started on your retirement?
The neutral zone is a time when the real business of transition takes place. An inner re-orientation and purpose is formed in this space.
Perhaps only until you are able to look back will you know that this time appeared to be when you felt the least sure of what was going to happen or even who you are? Use the steps above to support you during this time and you will find that the way out is first to work out how to stay in the space, for as long as it takes.
Can you work through a transition to retirement on your own?
Are you ready to plan for managing transitions, to understanding and dealing with the endings and neutral zones that are part of the transition? What if help were available?
Contact us for a complimentary consultation to focus on your transition. We work with you to discover what you want for your life. It will be the best 30 minutes you spend to get started on leading the lifestyle you want in retirement.
References
Bridges, W 2004, Transitions: making sense of life’s changes, 2 nd edition, DaCapo Press, MA.A
© 2009 Helene Strawbridge, All rights reserved. You are free to use material from the Second Half Success material in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution, including live web site link. Please also notify me where the material will appear. The attribution should read: By Helene Strawbridge of Second Half Success. Please visit Helene’s web site at www.secondhalfsuccess.com.au for additional articles and resources. (Make sure the link is live if placed in an newsletter or in a web site.)
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